The warmth of the café was a relief. In the few hours she had walked the streets the rain had soaked her hooded coat and the chill seeped through her clothes. It wasn’t as uncomfortable physically as it was mentally, when her emotions contrasted the chilling cold.
She picked a booth deep within the café on the left side, and sat where she could watch the woman that lead her into this particular café. Leather clad hands folded on top of the wooden table, her hooded head slightly bowed, Pandora watched as the woman with the coppery skin, dressed in a sharp crème linen suit started her business meeting. When her waiter came she ordered plain coffee, simply because it was the easiest item for the worker.
Only after the mug arrived and the waiter left her alone did she feel comfortable enough to lower the hood of her coat. She had to shake droplets of water out of her long hair, the wind had been able to toss some of the rain into her hood, but the inside of the coat was still dry as was the leather journal she retrieved from the inside pocket. Pulling the pen from the spine of the book, she gave the woman a final glance through her tinted glasses, and set the pen to the first blank sheet with a leisurely pace.
I saw Gabrielle once. I don’t remember speaking to her. Still Gabrielle has the presence of a woman in power of herself, even without words. I’m following a mortal tonight that reminds me of that image of Gabrielle I have. I think I would have liked to know Gabrielle better. Perhaps she could inspire me to be a stronger woman.
I wonder how Gabrielle handles living so alone. Does she take to it with the same uncompromising abandon that this mortal has? This mortal shapes her life through her sheer force of will. I feel certain that Gabrielle does not agonize over the choices she has made, not like me.
I am continually lonely living like this, and so guilty when I give in and seek comfort. I don’t want to need anyone. I refuse to need someone who can cause me such deep pain. It is not right to want, need, love someone who can cut you so deeply without realizing your pain.
Even as I write these words I know that I still harbor my love for Marius. How could I throw it away? Only he knows what I was like before my skin became inhumanly bleached. I judge all men by him, and yet I can’t stand to be with him. Did this all spring from that first fight? I would like to think that after all these years we have moved beyond that. No, in truth we are poorly matched. Yet my soul clamors that our relationship should have, could have, would work, if only I knew how.
I will set a move in motion before the night is over. I am restless in this city after thinking these thoughts. I think I will kill this mortal before I go. Her life is far from clean. Even now she calculates how much money she can skim from this investment. Perhaps she will reveal to me some secret I can use to protect my heart. I can’t be the one to find him this time, not after he left me. I can’t go back to him, I must bare this loneliness.
She stopped there, feeling the mist of gathering tears. This wasn’t a place she could release the full depth of her emotions, she forced herself to replace the journal in the pocket of her coat once more. When the waiter wandered near her table again she ordered a pastry and sat back to watch the mortal woman again. Hiding her interest in the woman, she played at eating and drinking, the way the rest of the patrons did.